Monday, June 25, 2007

That'll be $4.5k for taxes please, but the humiliation is free!

The other day I received a surprise letter from the Minnesota Department of Revenue. It read something like this:

Dear Ranty,

You owe us a boatload of dough. Wherez it at, yo? Do us a flave and throw another couple buckets of green into that boat when you send it, cuz we're pissed now, and for that u gotta pay.

Love and kisses,

The Gu'mt

Now, I must say, while I totally heart my Dept of Revenue, especially when they try to suck EVEN MORE money out of my increasingly linty pockets for things like penalties and interest and call me nice things like debtor, I was rather curious as to WTF THEY WERE TALKING ABOUT.

You see, I did in fact painfully write out a check for the aforementioned boatload of cash in early April, which I subsequently dropped into the FAT manila envelope which also housed a mind-numbingly circuitous return for my 2006 taxes. AND, I mailed that puppy off before the 15th of the month.

I did notice that the check seemed to be taking rather long to clear, but incorrectly chalked that up to the rusty gears of government turning slowly.

Dumb was I.

They don't have the check.

(I'm going with the notion that somebody pulled my return out of the envelope and then chucked that same envelope without noticing that MY CHECK WAS STILL IN IT. )

Anywhoo, I called the collections dept, explained my theory to some surprisingly nice people, and then wrote a new check for the amount less the penalties and interest which I obviously refuse to pay.

So we're cool right? Mmmhmm...

After dropping the check in the post-box, I proceeded directly to Century 21 Luger Realty in order to apply for my real estate license and have an orientation with my new manager and colleagues-to-be.

The manager gave me the application form and indicated that I should not forget to fill out the questionaire on the backside, after which we could send it off to the Department of Commerce.

Guess what one of the questions was?

Do you owe delinquent taxes?

Well as of that moment, according to the Dee-Oh-Rev, yeah, I guess.

Nice way to start off a new job, dontcha think?

"Whoops, sorry Boss!"


Kevin from Minneapolis said...

RevComm Ward Einess is the coolest looking mo faux in government. Give him a call, he'll help you out.

Ranty said...


I tell him The Kevster gave me his digits.

reetsyburger said...

That blows.

Hedy De Vine said...

That's probably the number two thing that'll get a state bar applicant rejected: past due taxes. Number one is homicide.

xo Hedy